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OPENING TIP
One trend in NBA offenses over the past few years has been an increase in what writer Seth Partnow dubbed āheliocentricity.ā Just as all the planets revolve around the sun, NBA offenses are increasingly centered by a single dominant force: think Luka Doncic, LeBron James, or Trae Young. (These players are easily identified by their usage rate, which measures the percentage of their teamās possessions when the player took a shot, got fouled, had an assist, or turned the ball over.)Ā
But before the nerds introduced astronomical terminology, playgrounds had a different term: āball hogs.ā āHeliocentricā players are often exceptional (and prolific) passers, but no one wants to play with a ball hog. Theyāre selfish, they dribble a ton, and they donāt pass. You know āem when you see āem. But we have spreadsheets now, so we can do better than the eye test: statistically speaking, who are the leagueās biggest ball hogs?
Letās identify three characteristics of what makes a ball hog.
They dribble a ton. Weāll measure this using data that tracks the players with the highest share of their teamās dribbles. Hereās the leaderboard for players with at least 400 minutes played:
They donāt pass. Low assist percentage is a crude metric: we can do better. We measure this as passes made as a percentage of touches, with lower being better (from a ball hogās point of view). Leaderboard:Ā Ā
They shoot too much. We measure this as shot attempts (including shots that result in free throws) as a percentage of touches. Hereās the leaderboard:
Unsurprisingly, thereās a lot of overlap in the last two graphs (since not passing is mostly caused by shooting).Ā
The next step is to put everything together. When we plot the top players on the axes of shooting rate and dribble rate, players clump into two distinct groups:
The Chuckers - the guys who shoot it every time they catch the ball. Dwayne Bacon is the exemplar of this archetype, with Jordan Clarkson, Jaylen Brown, Bradley Beal, and Victor Oladipo not far behind.Ā
The Ground Pounders - the guys who dribble the air out of the ball. These are the stars of Partnowās heliocentric narrative: Luka, Trae, James Harden, and Dame Lillard all take at least 45% of their teams dribbles in games they play.
So whoās the champion, the ball hoggiest of all? When we go to the data, and look not just at how much these guys shoot and dribble, but how effective they are as offensive players, a different narrative emerges. Three guys stand out:
Anthony Edwards - Shooting 37% of the time he touches the ball and dribbling almost 11%, Edwards is right there with Jordan Clarkson and Jaylen Brown on the graph above; but his true shooting percentage is only 46%, one of the lowest rates in the league for a regular player. So heās shooting all the time, but why?
Dwayne Bacon - Leading the league in shooting rate while only averaging 47% true shooting? Dwayne needs to start bringing home theā¦. points.
And the winnerā¦ Victor Oladipo. Oladipo has an impressive combination of high shooting rate (36.8%), high dribble rate (almost 25%), and low efficiency (only 51% true shooting, 7% lower than Bradley Beal). Congrats Victor, youāre the leagueās biggest ball hog! But donāt brag too much; heavy is the head that wears the crown.
TWEET OF THE WEEK
See below.
STL INVESTIGATES
Alert followers of the news will have noticed that live sports have seen a precipitous dive in attendance over the past year.Ā But, for reasons that are unclear given the current COVID statistics, a few NBA markets have started letting a limited number of fans into the building. Okay, the reasons arenāt that unclear.
And while itās been nice to have some un-canned cheering during the basketball, there is a downside to having fans courtside again, and that downside isā¦ the fans.Ā We had a reminder of this problem during the Hawks-Lakers clash on Monday.
It was a fun little interlude, and made us terribly miss the days when we too could drop hundreds of dollars to have our evening ruined by some jerk sitting in front of us.Ā And it is in this spirit that we present:Ā
THE STL GUIDE TO THE JACKASS SITTING NEXT TO YOU
(in descending order of aggravation)
5. Courtside Karen.
The courtside Karen in question is āinfluencerā Juliana Carlos, who removed her mask and crossed over a line meant to protect fans from getting too close so she could call LeBron a ābitchā.Ā Carlos explained the incident on her Insta later:
'Just got kicked out of the game for talking s**t to LeBron James for talking s**t to my f***ing husband. This is such f***ing bulls**t ā¦. f***ing p***y'. 'You're going to let a 25-year-old girl intimidate you during a game? Bye b***h'
So she seems fun.Ā On the other hand, sheās just standing up for her man!Ā Plus, you might be able to pick out some pointers on... whatever fashion advice is being dispensed in posts like this one:
4. Tired Celebrity Fan
Jack Nicholson. Spike. Drake. Itās tough being a celebrity. There are apparently enough times when everyone in the room is paying attention to something besides you, and so these brave souls have tried to rectify that by dressing loudly and trying to make sport about them as well.Ā Itās sad and irritating, but at least you have a story about being ignored by a celebrity.
3. Insane Cleveland Cavaliers Fan
This one also made the news this week, as a Joseph Bilgin was ejected after holding up shirts during the game that read āLeBron is a racistā and, confusingly āLe Blow Jobā.Ā He became belligerent after confronted by security and was escorted out.Ā Youād think that with Lebron bringing Cleveland its first title inā¦ ever, these guys would get over him leaving, right?
Maybe not.Ā
2. Spending Daddyās Money GuyĀ
Itās not common knowledge that paying for expensive tickets gives you the right to disrupt the game, abuse the players, and take up two parking spaces, but these guys know.Ā And here, by amazing coincidence, we find Juliana Carlosās husband, Chris, who is apparently a third generation liquor distributor. Chris has issues with LeBron that not even his wife understands. Juliana again:
"Heās been watching the games for 10 years. Whatever, he has this issue with LeBron."
Still, at least it gives us an excuse to see a little more of this classy, classy couple.
1. Very, Very, Very Drunk Angry Guy
This guy cannot freaking believe how much these finely tuned athletes freaking suck. They are not even freaking trying!!Ā This is the worst, and also most popular form of jackassery we get to enjoy.Ā This can go a few ways; in Utah, it generally goes like this:
but every once in a while we get one of these:
Hopefully, this list has made you as nostalgic as us to get back in the stands.Ā Just donāt sit anywhere near us.
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